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NEW: HORRIBLE HISTORIES
-CBI L321 -F/01

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♪ Terrible Tudors,
gorgeous Georgians

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♪ Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians

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♪ Woeful wars, ferocious fights
Dingy castles, daring knights

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♪ Horrors that defy description
Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians

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♪ Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes
Punishment from ancient times

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♪ Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless

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♪ Cavemen, savage, fierce and
toothless

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♪ Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
Mean and measly Middle Ages

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♪ Gory stories, we do that

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♪ And your host, a talking rat

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♪ The past is no longer a mystery

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♪ Welcome to...
Horrible Histories. ♪

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Horrible Histories presents...

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Hello, Queen Victoria here.

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When I was on the throne, my
subjects were called Victorians

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and they were frightfully clever.

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They invented the telephone,

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the light bulb, horse spectacles,
the umbrella hat

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and the bicycle railway.

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Well, they can't all be winners.

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But possibly our best invention
was film.

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Yes, for the first time ever,

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the world had moving pictures
and I loved it.

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Well, I would, wouldn't I? I was one
of the very first movie stars.

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Sir Nicholas, will you join us
for breakfast?

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Why do you crazy English always
insist on eating outside?

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It's colder than Siberia out here.

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Oh, cheer up, Nicholas,
you're on holibobs!

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And we have a most interesting
diversion planned for today.

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Something indoors, I hope?

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Announcing the arrival of the royal
photographer, ma'am.

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Mr William Downey.

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Oh, Your Majesty, you look
ravishing as always.

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Is this it? A photographer?

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I don't know how backward
you think we are in Russia,

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but even we have photographs.

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Oh, no, sir.

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Queen Victoria is already the most
photographed woman in the world.

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Does anybody really need
another photograph of her?

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Charming, I don't hear anyone
else complaining.

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Not to your face, anyway.

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I just meant to say that your
subjects deserve something

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even better than a mere snapshot
of your glory.

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May I present...

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..my film camera. I shall point this
at you

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as yous move around and it'll record
the moving sequence. And?

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And then we'll take the footage
and show the entire Empire

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and all your subjects will see you

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in your full moving
magnificence.

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It sounds common and obscene.

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No-one of royal blood will consent.

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Get the whole family together.
We're making a film.

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At least I get to go inside
and warm up, I suppose.

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No, sir. We need the light and space
provided by the outdoors,

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so we'll be outside all day.

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I knew I should've visited
the King of Spain.

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30 degrees in Marbella.

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OK, ma'am.

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Your Majesty, let's gan for it.

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Have you got my best side?

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The carriage is just turning
around now, ma'am.

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So I believe I've caught
both your sides.

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Which, if you'll permit me,
are equally wonderful.

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Noted. Gross.

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Without further ado, I present
the magnificent Queen Victoria

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in your first-ever film,

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riding around in your carriage
this very morning.

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So, Your Majesty, any comments?
Where are all the colours?

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Why is it so wobbly? Is there
something wrong with your camera.

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This is state-of-the-art
equipment, ma'am.

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See how clear, how smooth it is?

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Of course, it cannot show
your full magnificence.

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Nicky? Mm-hm?

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Do you think the carriage made my
bottom look too big?

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Erm... No.

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Only in the best possible way,
ma'am.

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Oh! You really are incorrigible.

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Play it again.

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The British Film Institute, the BFI,

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is a society that looks after
everything to do with film,

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including collecting the earliest
films ever.

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In their archive, there are
mountains of the first movies

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and here in the sewers below

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are mountains of something
completely different.

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These films were the first moving
pictures that anyone saw

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and the Victorians went bonkers
for them.

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There was one big problem
though - they were very short.

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In fact, they were only a few
seconds long.

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I mean, these days that's
shorter than the adverts.

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Yeah. I'll show you. Do you want to
come back with those snacks?

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Roll the film, Tony.

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Ooh, look at that.

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Beg your pardon. Excuse me.

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What seat have you got? H5.

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Oh, I'm H6. I think we're in
each other's seats.

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Silly. OK.

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If you go fore and I go aft.

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It's just... I do have
the basket. Yes.

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Oh! That's it. Just push...push it.
Your gown is out.

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RIPPING

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I do like an evening out
at the cinematograph. Yes.

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It's so relaxing. Excuse me.

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Sorry, ladies, I just need to...
Sorry.

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"Just".

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A thousand pardons.
RIPPING

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Argh! Oh, sorry.

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RIPPING

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Sorry.

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Nearly forgot...

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..I brought snacks. Oooh.

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Pickled onion? Yes, please!

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Board du fromage.

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Mmm.

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Oh. Let's have a bit.

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Shh! Shh!

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What's your problem? It's not even
started yet.

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"Dear, sir, further to your
letter..." Shh!

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Do you mind? Sorry, I need light
to read my telegram.

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You're not supposed to check your
messages at the cinematograph!

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Sorry.

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Oh! It's starting! I'm so excited,
I could spill my cheese!

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Oh, I can't wait.

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I wonder what it's going to be like.
Shh! Shh!

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It's exactly like you're really
there.

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Except everything's in black and
white and you can't hear anything.

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This is amazing. Shh!

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CROWD GASP

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What a ride.

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Oh, I thought that was fantastic.
Right.

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You don't think it started to drag
about four seconds in?

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No, that was the best bit!

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Oh. What about that chap
with the sideburns, eh?

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Wouldn't kick him off a bridge.

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Same time next week?
Oh, I wouldn't miss it.

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You want to make another film?

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Are you sure our subjects want to
see even more of us

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just walking around in circles
like big chickens?

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Oh, Your Majesty.
They're not idiots.

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This film will be totally
and utterly different.

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This time you're going to walk
in a straight line.

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Ugh! How thrilling!

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That's it, ma'am.

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Head straight towards the cameras.
Look at me. Oh, marvellous.

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SARCASM: Exciting enough for you?
People walking?

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I mean, who would have thought it
possible? Can't wait for the sequel.

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Oh, do shut up, Nicholas. Sorry.

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Oh, thank yous, ma'am.
We've got everything we need.

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It's in the can, as they say.

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So, Your Majesty. Any comments?

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Well, it's still a little hazy

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and the movements are quite rapid.

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It's not entirely
what I was expecting.

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What did you think, Nicholas?
Have a guess.

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I thought it was the most amazing
thing I've ever seen.

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I thought it was stupid
when we first shot it,

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but there we are up on the big
screen, walking around.

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We have to make more...

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SCRATCHING

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We have to make more of this.
What if I came back next year

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and we could film me dancing?

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I can hardly see millions
of people watching that, can you?

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I'll take that as a maybe.

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Bonjour. We are the Lumiere brothers
from France.

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We invented a film camera

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which could also project
moving images

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on to a screen for a
paying audience.

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So we basically invented
the idea of a cinema.

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Pretty good, no?

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But what did we say when excited
film-makers

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wanted to buy our camera?

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Was it...

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Yes, the answer is C.

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We thought cinema had
no financial future

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and what people really wanted
to see was colour photographs.

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I mean, who's ever heard
of a profitable film?

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What about Star Wars? Star Wars?!
Pfft. Stupid name.

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Did it make any money?
Over $8 billion.

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Oh, well, I don't regret
my decision one bit.

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THEY INSULT EACH OTHER IN FRENCH

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Yes, the Lumiere brothers
really did invent early cinema,

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but didn't think
there was a future in it.

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Luckily there were lots of British
film-makers who did,

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and they decided to make movies.

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All they needed was a gang of actors

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who were experts in the
subtle, realistic art

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of big screen acting.

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Sadly, there weren't any.
So they got this lot instead.

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Here is the famous theatre actor
Herbert Beerbohm Tree

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playing Shakespeare's King John.

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Oh, and don't bother
turning up the sound -

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these early movies didn't have any.

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Ah, William Dickson,
film-maker extraordinaire.

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Your actors have arrived.

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Herbert Beerbohm Tree
and company at your service,

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ready to perform Shakespeare's
Death of King John

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for your new fangled camera -
all in one breath.

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Yes, thank goodness you're here.

199
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Finally. We need to film
before it gets dark.

200
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Well, we can always go inside,
darling, and use the stage lighting.

201
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No, no, no, no.
It's not bright enough.

202
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The camera needs as much
light as possible, you see?

203
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That's why we're up here
on this roof.

204
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Although I don't like the look
of these clouds, so... No problem.

205
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The play is only a couple
of hours long

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and, frankly, we usually cut
half the lines anyway.

207
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People get so bored by Shakespeare.

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They want spectacle! Quite.

209
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ECHOING: Drama!

210
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BIRDS FLAP

211
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Yes, but we only have
one minute of film.

212
00:09:51,740 --> 00:09:54,340
So I need all of that in 60 seconds.

213
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OK. Right.

214
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King John in 60 seconds, it is.

215
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Action.

216
00:10:02,940 --> 00:10:06,940
A moment. What sort of death
would you like me to do?

217
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:10,100
I'm sorry? How do you want me
to do it?

218
00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:13,300
Quickly! And with no sound.
We can't record sound.

219
00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:16,020
Yes, darling, but what's
my motivation?

220
00:10:16,020 --> 00:10:20,500
For example, I could do
remembering the time my dear aunt

221
00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:24,700
broke her ankle in the Alps
rescuing a baby rabbit,

222
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then accidentally choking
to death on a roast potato.

223
00:10:27,020 --> 00:10:29,220
I really don't mind, just as long
as it's quick,

224
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because we are losing the light.

225
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I could do pining away from my
broken heart

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for discovering my true love has
left me for a sailor called Phil.

227
00:10:40,700 --> 00:10:44,220
Curse you, Phil. Yes.
Great. Whatever. That's magic.

228
00:10:44,220 --> 00:10:46,260
Just, I really need you
to do it now.

229
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Maybe I should just try
something a bit conniving,

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with just a hint of
trapped wind.

231
00:10:51,780 --> 00:10:54,260
It has taken me all morning
to set this up.

232
00:10:54,260 --> 00:10:56,620
Now, we are losing the sun
behind that cloud.

233
00:10:56,620 --> 00:10:59,020
So will you please just die!

234
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:02,900
Of course. If that's what you want.

235
00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:04,420
Thank you.

236
00:11:04,420 --> 00:11:08,100
Just make sure you stretch out
the death to last a full minute, OK?

237
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:12,860
Mr Dickson, I am one of the foremost
actors of my generation,

238
00:11:12,860 --> 00:11:16,420
darling, I could die all day.

239
00:11:16,420 --> 00:11:19,180
Give me strength.
Ready when you are. Action!

240
00:11:20,900 --> 00:11:22,140
Ugh!

241
00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:27,420
My heart hath one more string
to stand by.

242
00:11:28,420 --> 00:11:29,940
Look at me!

243
00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:31,340
I'm dying.

244
00:11:31,340 --> 00:11:34,300
I just... And we've run out of film.

245
00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:36,700
Oh, darling, I was just
warming up.

246
00:11:36,700 --> 00:11:38,740
As movie-making progressed,

247
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:42,620
we wanted to film more exciting
stuff like this.

248
00:11:42,620 --> 00:11:44,580
A phantom ride movie.

249
00:11:44,580 --> 00:11:47,460
We Victorians didn't have special
effects,

250
00:11:47,460 --> 00:11:51,180
so it had to be shot from the very
front of a moving train.

251
00:11:51,180 --> 00:11:55,620
But filming them wasn't
exactly hi-tech or safe.

252
00:11:55,620 --> 00:11:57,220
KNOCK AT DOOR

253
00:11:57,220 --> 00:12:00,260
Hello, am I in the right place?
I'm the new cameraman.

254
00:12:00,260 --> 00:12:03,340
Yes. Fantastic.
Thank you for coming.

255
00:12:03,340 --> 00:12:06,140
Now this is quite a technical job.

256
00:12:06,140 --> 00:12:08,700
Do you have any experience?

257
00:12:08,700 --> 00:12:11,180
No. Excellent. Neither does
anyone else.

258
00:12:11,180 --> 00:12:13,380
That's the thing
with new inventions -

259
00:12:13,380 --> 00:12:14,940
we're kind of making it up.

260
00:12:14,940 --> 00:12:17,020
Well, where do you want me to point
the camera?

261
00:12:17,020 --> 00:12:19,060
Actually, I just need you to sign
this form first.

262
00:12:19,060 --> 00:12:21,820
It just says when something
bad happens, it's not our fault.

263
00:12:21,820 --> 00:12:24,180
"When" something bad? You mean "if"
something bad happens?

264
00:12:24,180 --> 00:12:26,220
If it makes you feel better
to think of it that way,

265
00:12:26,220 --> 00:12:28,380
but we do need "when" on the form.

266
00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:30,740
Oh, OK.

267
00:12:30,740 --> 00:12:33,100
So the work's quite straightforward.

268
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:34,340
You just point the camera

269
00:12:34,340 --> 00:12:37,100
and turn the crank on the side
for 60 seconds.

270
00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:39,340
And when the film runs out,
do it all over again.

271
00:12:39,340 --> 00:12:41,380
Well, let's get cranking.

272
00:12:41,380 --> 00:12:42,820
THEY LAUGH

273
00:12:42,820 --> 00:12:44,620
It's a joke. That's...good.

274
00:12:44,620 --> 00:12:46,660
OK, before we start the actual
shoot,

275
00:12:46,660 --> 00:12:49,100
we'd like to take you through what
to expect. Yeah.

276
00:12:49,100 --> 00:12:52,220
So stand by the camera and just
start filming.

277
00:12:52,220 --> 00:12:54,180
Just get some props. Here we go.

278
00:12:54,180 --> 00:12:56,460
HE COUGHS

279
00:12:56,460 --> 00:12:57,500
Whoa!

280
00:13:01,300 --> 00:13:03,300
OK. What is going on?

281
00:13:05,340 --> 00:13:07,940
Seriously? The smoke simulates
the steam.

282
00:13:07,940 --> 00:13:09,820
The bucket of water is the
torrential rain

283
00:13:09,820 --> 00:13:11,020
that may hit your face

284
00:13:11,020 --> 00:13:12,940
and the cricket bat is the walls of
the tunnel

285
00:13:12,940 --> 00:13:16,940
passing very close to your face
as we travel 60mph.

286
00:13:16,940 --> 00:13:18,460
Argh! Stop it!

287
00:13:18,460 --> 00:13:21,180
I told you we should have strapped
him down, stop him from moving.

288
00:13:21,180 --> 00:13:22,820
You're right, Alan.
Get the rope.

289
00:13:22,820 --> 00:13:24,940
The rope? OK, OK. What is going
on?

290
00:13:24,940 --> 00:13:27,660
It's a phantom ride film.
Phantom ride?

291
00:13:27,660 --> 00:13:30,860
We film a train journey
from the front of the train.

292
00:13:30,860 --> 00:13:32,220
So when the audience watch,

293
00:13:32,220 --> 00:13:34,580
they feel like they're racing down
the tracks.

294
00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:35,940
That sounds quite cool.

295
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,340
Yes, it's hugely popular.

296
00:13:37,340 --> 00:13:39,380
But it sounds incredibly dangerous.

297
00:13:39,380 --> 00:13:41,700
I mean, you'd have to hire some
gullible idiot cameraman

298
00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:44,020
who'd be stuck to the front
of the train...

299
00:13:44,020 --> 00:13:45,540
Oh!

300
00:13:46,820 --> 00:13:50,620
Argh! Argh! Get me off of
this thing, quick!

301
00:13:50,620 --> 00:13:52,540
HE SCREAMS

302
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:56,820
1897 saw Queen Victoria mark
60 years on the throne

303
00:13:56,820 --> 00:14:00,260
with her huge Diamond Jubilee
celebrations.

304
00:14:00,260 --> 00:14:02,500
It was just like Harry and Meghan's
wedding,

305
00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:05,820
except David Beckham and
George Clooney weren't there.

306
00:14:05,820 --> 00:14:09,540
Actually, George Clooney might
have been, because he's quite old.

307
00:14:09,540 --> 00:14:13,300
Millions lined the streets of London
just to get a glimpse of the Queen

308
00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:17,100
and 40 cameramen came
from all over the world.

309
00:14:17,100 --> 00:14:20,580
Imagine trying to decide who got
the best filming spots.

310
00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:25,620
Settle down now, lads.

311
00:14:25,620 --> 00:14:28,100
Now we all want to film
Her Majesty's Jubilee,

312
00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:29,340
and do our country proud.

313
00:14:29,340 --> 00:14:32,140
I don't care about your country.
Viva Le France!

314
00:14:32,140 --> 00:14:34,100
Apart from Mr Joly, obviously,

315
00:14:34,100 --> 00:14:37,020
but the rest of us, we're all
patriotic British film-makers.

316
00:14:37,020 --> 00:14:41,020
Forgetting someone? I'm from
America. U-S-A. USA.

317
00:14:41,020 --> 00:14:43,820
Apart from Mr Aiken, who's from
America. And all the others.

318
00:14:43,820 --> 00:14:47,420
But wherever we're all from, we're
all film-making colleagues.

319
00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:50,180
So there's room for us all to film
the Jubilee procession.

320
00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:52,540
I'll take St Paul's Cathedral.
Not so fast.

321
00:14:52,540 --> 00:14:54,540
I've paid a lot of money
to film at St Paul's.

322
00:14:54,540 --> 00:14:58,700
Gentlemen, the film-maker and
magician John Nevil Maskelyne.

323
00:14:58,700 --> 00:15:00,820
Prove you're a magician.

324
00:15:00,820 --> 00:15:03,220
Very well. Oh. What's that?

325
00:15:03,220 --> 00:15:06,820
Is that something I see
behind your ear?

326
00:15:08,820 --> 00:15:10,820
Fair dos, that was an incredible
trick.

327
00:15:10,820 --> 00:15:12,500
Fine, I'll film somewhere else.

328
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:14,580
I choose here. Borough.

329
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,620
I'm afraid Mr Appleton has Borough.

330
00:15:16,620 --> 00:15:18,980
Aye, and then I'm getting the train
up north,

331
00:15:18,980 --> 00:15:20,940
developing the film on train,

332
00:15:20,940 --> 00:15:24,780
and then showing it in Bradford
tonight. That's real magic.

333
00:15:24,780 --> 00:15:26,100
How about Westminster?

334
00:15:26,100 --> 00:15:28,580
There's a dangerous window ledge
you could perch on.

335
00:15:28,580 --> 00:15:30,700
Don't you dare. I bagsied this
this window ledge.

336
00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:34,140
I've been practising me balancing
and everything. Ohhh!

337
00:15:34,140 --> 00:15:36,100
Oh. That did not hurt.

338
00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:37,540
Well, what would you have me do?

339
00:15:37,540 --> 00:15:39,900
Dingle dangle from a railway
on a length of rope?

340
00:15:39,900 --> 00:15:41,700
Don't even think about it.

341
00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:43,260
Can someone help me down, please?

342
00:15:43,260 --> 00:15:45,820
Could somebody please tell me
where I can stick my camera.

343
00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:47,140
LAUGHTER

344
00:15:47,140 --> 00:15:48,500
Don't tempt me, sunshine.

345
00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:50,740
Calm down, everyone. Cut. Cut.

346
00:15:50,740 --> 00:15:52,220
That's a horrible laugh.

347
00:15:52,220 --> 00:15:53,700
We're meant to be professionals.

348
00:15:53,700 --> 00:15:56,180
Mr Downing, where are you filming?
Well, that's different.

349
00:15:56,180 --> 00:15:58,820
I get the best spot because I'm the
Queen's favourite film-maker.

350
00:15:58,820 --> 00:15:59,980
What?!

351
00:15:59,980 --> 00:16:01,980
ARGUMENTATIVE CHATTER

352
00:16:01,980 --> 00:16:04,540
Are you the people filming
the procession? That is our honour.

353
00:16:04,540 --> 00:16:07,380
Well, you better get cracking,
started ten minutes ago.

354
00:16:07,380 --> 00:16:10,180
Oh, my goodness!

355
00:16:10,180 --> 00:16:12,780
Hey, don't leave me here.

356
00:16:12,780 --> 00:16:15,300
Excuse me. Is she the one in the
hat?

357
00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:16,860
No, no, no, no.

358
00:16:16,860 --> 00:16:18,580
Yes, me again.

359
00:16:18,580 --> 00:16:21,460
Queen Vicky, Empress Of India,
blah-blah-blah.

360
00:16:21,460 --> 00:16:23,700
Now, my Diamond Jubilee celebrated
me

361
00:16:23,700 --> 00:16:27,860
becoming the longest reigning
monarch in English history.

362
00:16:27,860 --> 00:16:29,100
Nearly 64 years.

363
00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:33,260
But how did I feel about the idea
of a big jubilee celebration?

364
00:16:44,140 --> 00:16:48,420
And the answer is C. I didn't
really want to do it at all.

365
00:16:48,420 --> 00:16:50,300
No, no. Far too much fuss,

366
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:53,060
and I certainly didn't want to pay
for it.

367
00:16:53,060 --> 00:16:57,860
Anyway, I hear that Elizabeth II has
broken my record now.

368
00:16:57,860 --> 00:16:59,340
Rude.

369
00:17:03,540 --> 00:17:07,100
It's 1897 and Queen Victoria
is celebrating

370
00:17:07,100 --> 00:17:10,340
her record-breaking 60 years
on the British throne

371
00:17:10,340 --> 00:17:13,700
with a fantastic procession
around the city of London.

372
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:16,460
Let's hear from our royal
correspondent Peter Curtsy.

373
00:17:16,460 --> 00:17:18,460
It's an amazing atmosphere here.

374
00:17:18,460 --> 00:17:21,140
Three million people have come
down from all over the Empire.

375
00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:23,820
Some are hanging off window ledges
just to catch a glimpse

376
00:17:23,820 --> 00:17:25,260
of the Queen's procession.

377
00:17:25,260 --> 00:17:28,140
I see you're surrounded
by ordinary British folk there.

378
00:17:28,140 --> 00:17:31,380
Yes, I am. They certainly don't
smell ordinary though.

379
00:17:31,380 --> 00:17:33,220
It's awful.

380
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:35,460
Oi, that's because we've walked
200 miles to get here

381
00:17:35,460 --> 00:17:36,900
and we've slept in a hedge. Why?

382
00:17:36,900 --> 00:17:38,620
Thanks, Peter.

383
00:17:38,620 --> 00:17:40,420
Let's cross now to Sasha Fawn,

384
00:17:40,420 --> 00:17:43,060
who's with Labour Party founder
Keir Hardie.

385
00:17:43,060 --> 00:17:47,100
Mr Hardie, today must make
you feel proud to be British.

386
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:49,620
It makes me feel sick.

387
00:17:49,620 --> 00:17:53,380
The royal family is a diseased
organism. Right.

388
00:17:53,380 --> 00:17:55,260
Unwholesome parasites.

389
00:17:55,260 --> 00:17:58,060
My friend Connolly calls it
a "feast of flunkyism".

390
00:17:58,060 --> 00:18:00,420
And we're back to you, Diane.

391
00:18:00,420 --> 00:18:01,660
Thank you, Sasha.

392
00:18:01,660 --> 00:18:05,740
I think we finally have some actual
footage of the royal procession.

393
00:18:05,740 --> 00:18:08,300
There you can see representatives
of the Armed Forces

394
00:18:08,300 --> 00:18:11,300
from all around the British Empire,
soon to be followed by...

395
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:14,420
Oh, there she is under the
white umbrella.

396
00:18:14,420 --> 00:18:16,740
OK.

397
00:18:16,740 --> 00:18:19,020
At least, I think that was her.

398
00:18:20,420 --> 00:18:21,700
Can we look at that again?

399
00:18:23,580 --> 00:18:26,380
Doesn't she look resplendent?

400
00:18:26,380 --> 00:18:29,180
A happy expression on her face.

401
00:18:29,180 --> 00:18:31,380
Or possibly the back of her head.

402
00:18:31,380 --> 00:18:32,540
It's hard to tell.

403
00:18:32,540 --> 00:18:35,580
But my goodness, that was a moment
worth waiting for.

404
00:18:35,580 --> 00:18:39,460
Stay with HHTV News as we replay
and talk about this

405
00:18:39,460 --> 00:18:41,860
for the next six hours.

406
00:18:41,860 --> 00:18:44,380
I mean, that literally could
have been anyone.

407
00:18:44,380 --> 00:18:47,340
Ah, my 60th jubilee celebrations.

408
00:18:47,340 --> 00:18:49,860
Just a small event in London
with three million close friends

409
00:18:49,860 --> 00:18:52,300
and all the family.
Well, not all the family.

410
00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:54,700
I didn't invite my grandson
Wilhelm.

411
00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:56,460
He was the Kaiser of Germany
at the time

412
00:18:56,460 --> 00:18:59,100
and he wasn't invited because on an
earlier occasion...

413
00:18:59,100 --> 00:19:01,700
You know when you're
at a family event

414
00:19:01,700 --> 00:19:04,460
and your nephew bites his uncle
the Duke of Edinburgh's leg.

415
00:19:04,460 --> 00:19:06,380
No? Really?

416
00:19:06,380 --> 00:19:07,620
Well, anyway. That.

417
00:19:08,740 --> 00:19:11,460
Hey-hey! Kaiser Wilhelm here.

418
00:19:11,460 --> 00:19:17,060
This goes out to my grandma,
Queen Victoria. Hi!

419
00:19:17,060 --> 00:19:19,940
She just celebrated her
Diamond Jubilee.

420
00:19:19,940 --> 00:19:22,500
Here's some of that new film
stuff we've got of it.

421
00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:25,180
And if you look at the front
of the procession,

422
00:19:25,180 --> 00:19:28,220
you can see, iiiitt's....

423
00:19:28,220 --> 00:19:32,380
..not me. He doesn't even have a
moustache.

424
00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:35,860
I'm your oldest grandson and you
don't invite me?

425
00:19:35,860 --> 00:19:38,460
Is it because of the
uncle-biting thing?

426
00:19:38,460 --> 00:19:41,540
I was young, I was at
Cousin Bertie's wedding,

427
00:19:41,540 --> 00:19:45,940
Uncle Alfred was wearing a kilt
and he had these big fat juicy legs.

428
00:19:45,940 --> 00:19:48,580
Now I say it out loud,
it does sound a bit weird.

429
00:19:48,580 --> 00:19:50,700
But that whole time was weird for
me.

430
00:19:50,700 --> 00:19:52,700
So I had this withered arm thing,

431
00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:56,100
Granny Victoria asked
her doctors to fix it.

432
00:19:56,100 --> 00:20:01,500
They electrocute me, then strap
a freshly killed hare to my arm.

433
00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:05,380
If anything, I'm the one
who shouldn't be inviting you

434
00:20:05,380 --> 00:20:07,180
to MY Diamond Jubilee.

435
00:20:09,980 --> 00:20:14,540
OK. I wrote a telegram to Vicky
Grandnan's enemy congratulating him

436
00:20:14,540 --> 00:20:17,180
on defeating the British
in South Africa.

437
00:20:17,180 --> 00:20:18,820
Hashtag oops.

438
00:20:18,820 --> 00:20:22,220
I really hope this doesn't lead
to a bad feeling between us.

439
00:20:22,220 --> 00:20:24,660
Of course, like an enormous
World War or something.

440
00:20:27,620 --> 00:20:30,420
Hashtag oops.

441
00:20:30,420 --> 00:20:35,060
So not a huge surprise that Britain
ended up a war with them in 1914,

442
00:20:35,060 --> 00:20:38,580
but in 1900, war was already
raging elsewhere.

443
00:20:38,580 --> 00:20:41,700
And the people back home in Britain
were keen to see moving pictures

444
00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:43,380
of just what was going on.

445
00:20:43,380 --> 00:20:46,340
Unfortunately, some of the film
companies were too cheap

446
00:20:46,340 --> 00:20:48,940
to send cameras all the way
to South Africa.

447
00:20:48,940 --> 00:20:50,100
So, guess what?

448
00:20:50,100 --> 00:20:53,620
They dressed up some locals
and faked it in Yorkshire.

449
00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:57,820
This is 100% real
Victorian fake news.

450
00:20:57,820 --> 00:20:59,940
Argh!

451
00:20:59,940 --> 00:21:01,700
Look at him! What's the matter now?

452
00:21:01,700 --> 00:21:04,380
What's the matter?! He's got a great
big hole in his chest.

453
00:21:04,380 --> 00:21:06,260
You're meant to be a trained
Red Cross nurse,

454
00:21:06,260 --> 00:21:08,420
not getting freaked out over a
bit of blood.

455
00:21:08,420 --> 00:21:11,420
No, I'm not a nurse, I work
in the hat factory.

456
00:21:11,420 --> 00:21:13,420
Cut.

457
00:21:13,420 --> 00:21:18,540
It's acting, darling. Today
you are a nurse. Be the nurse.

458
00:21:18,540 --> 00:21:21,100
OK. What's the matter?

459
00:21:21,100 --> 00:21:22,980
What's the matter? He's bleeding.

460
00:21:22,980 --> 00:21:24,900
It's ketchup, darling.

461
00:21:26,020 --> 00:21:29,180
They've changed it to mud, egg
and red paint so...

462
00:21:29,180 --> 00:21:31,540
Look, look. Ed's not actually
injured,

463
00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:33,420
we're making a pretend film
of the war

464
00:21:33,420 --> 00:21:35,500
so we can show people
what it's like over there.

465
00:21:35,500 --> 00:21:36,740
It's fake news, sweetie.

466
00:21:36,740 --> 00:21:39,980
You and Milly just have to pretend
to be the Red Cross nurses.

467
00:21:39,980 --> 00:21:41,500
But the war is real.

468
00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:43,540
In South Africa. Yes.

469
00:21:43,540 --> 00:21:45,940
And you're going to be one
of the nurses.

470
00:21:45,940 --> 00:21:48,060
OK. Brilliant. I'll go and pack.

471
00:21:48,060 --> 00:21:51,100
Wait, wait, what? What, what, what,
what, what, what?

472
00:21:51,100 --> 00:21:54,740
Eh, for South Africa. No, no. We're
shooting here.

473
00:21:54,740 --> 00:21:56,860
Oh, no, but we're in Barnsley.
Yes.

474
00:21:56,860 --> 00:21:58,780
And just like we're pretending
you're a nurse

475
00:21:58,780 --> 00:22:00,340
and pretending Ed's injured,

476
00:22:00,340 --> 00:22:02,700
we're also pretending we're in
South Africa.

477
00:22:02,700 --> 00:22:05,180
So what we're doing is we're making
a fake war

478
00:22:05,180 --> 00:22:07,980
to show people what it's like in the
real war!

479
00:22:07,980 --> 00:22:10,940
So just do what you would do
if you were in South Africa.

480
00:22:12,020 --> 00:22:13,220
Got it.

481
00:22:15,340 --> 00:22:16,860
And action!

482
00:22:16,860 --> 00:22:18,700
Argh! Nurse, pass me the medical...

483
00:22:18,700 --> 00:22:21,300
Where you going?

484
00:22:21,300 --> 00:22:23,900
He said do what you do
if you're in South Africa.

485
00:22:23,900 --> 00:22:26,500
I'm going to go see the elephants.

486
00:22:26,500 --> 00:22:28,100
HE GROANS

487
00:22:30,060 --> 00:22:32,700
We Victorians were the first
to really take to tourism.

488
00:22:32,700 --> 00:22:34,260
Our Empire spanned the whole world,

489
00:22:34,260 --> 00:22:36,140
so it seemed a shame not
to go and see it.

490
00:22:36,140 --> 00:22:37,740
Thanks to our latest inventions,

491
00:22:37,740 --> 00:22:39,620
getting there was becoming easier
too.

492
00:22:39,620 --> 00:22:41,300
All you had to do was click
your fingers,

493
00:22:41,300 --> 00:22:43,460
travel for several days, possibly
weeks,

494
00:22:43,460 --> 00:22:46,980
and you'd be there, ready to
film your holiday movies.

495
00:22:46,980 --> 00:22:49,940
Witness the miracle of Pompeii
in Italy.

496
00:22:49,940 --> 00:22:52,460
You too could see these wonders
for yourself.

497
00:22:52,460 --> 00:22:55,420
Visit Pompeii with
SpeedyVictorianTravel.com.

498
00:22:55,420 --> 00:22:57,060
It's just a short trip away.

499
00:22:57,060 --> 00:22:59,580
Just travel by train to Dover,
ferry to Le Havre

500
00:22:59,580 --> 00:23:02,220
and then train to Paris,
then another train to Milan,

501
00:23:02,220 --> 00:23:04,140
then one more train
to Venice mainland.

502
00:23:04,140 --> 00:23:06,300
Then it's just a quick
four-hour carriage ride

503
00:23:06,300 --> 00:23:07,900
and you're in Venice.

504
00:23:07,900 --> 00:23:10,860
From Venice, it's just a quick
two-day hop by cart, train, cart

505
00:23:10,860 --> 00:23:12,660
and finally on foot,
and, hey, presto,

506
00:23:12,660 --> 00:23:15,420
just two weeks after leaving home
you're in Pompeii,

507
00:23:15,420 --> 00:23:18,020
joining these lucky
Victorian adventurers.

508
00:23:18,020 --> 00:23:19,540
Ooh, lovely sun hat.

509
00:23:19,540 --> 00:23:22,020
A thousand years ago,
a huge volcano erupted here.

510
00:23:22,020 --> 00:23:25,780
Romans ran screaming for their lives
from the very buildings and now you,

511
00:23:25,780 --> 00:23:26,900
yes, you, don't stare,

512
00:23:26,900 --> 00:23:29,180
can see exactly where they were
burnt to a crisp,

513
00:23:29,180 --> 00:23:31,460
whilst shopping for
tasteful souvenirs.

514
00:23:31,460 --> 00:23:34,660
Then ride a funicular up the
side of Mount Vesuvius.

515
00:23:34,660 --> 00:23:37,260
Yes, you can actually walk to the
top of this active volcano,

516
00:23:37,260 --> 00:23:39,780
making you the envy of
all your friends.

517
00:23:39,780 --> 00:23:43,100
You don't have to walk down
like this, but it makes it more fun.

518
00:23:43,100 --> 00:23:45,980
SpeedyVictorianTravel.com are
unable to guarantee that Vesuvius

519
00:23:45,980 --> 00:23:48,580
will not explode during part
or all of your trip to Pompeii.

520
00:23:48,580 --> 00:23:50,780
Visit Pompeii. It'll blow your
stockings off.

521
00:23:52,620 --> 00:23:54,740
Not only were Victorians now
using cameras

522
00:23:54,740 --> 00:23:56,020
to film the real world,

523
00:23:56,020 --> 00:23:58,660
they were also using them
to film real people,

524
00:23:58,660 --> 00:24:01,180
creating celebs just like
Britain's Got Rodents

525
00:24:01,180 --> 00:24:04,540
and the Real Rat Wives Of Clapton
Sewage Works do today.

526
00:24:04,540 --> 00:24:07,820
And one of these Victorian stars
was this sporting celeb,

527
00:24:07,820 --> 00:24:10,660
who was the Marcus Ratford
of his day.

528
00:24:12,620 --> 00:24:15,220
Well, now we've got some shots of
you playing outside,

529
00:24:15,220 --> 00:24:17,780
it's time to meet the man
behind the bat.

530
00:24:17,780 --> 00:24:19,220
I will say, it's a real honour

531
00:24:19,220 --> 00:24:22,020
to be making a film about you,
Prince Ranjitsinhji.

532
00:24:22,020 --> 00:24:25,220
The first Indian to play
on the English cricket team.

533
00:24:25,220 --> 00:24:27,300
You're already becoming
quite a legend.

534
00:24:27,300 --> 00:24:30,740
To be honest, I'm a little nervous.
I've never been filmed before today.

535
00:24:30,740 --> 00:24:33,300
Oh, well, you can talk if it makes
you feel more comfortable.

536
00:24:33,300 --> 00:24:35,260
Why don't you tell me
about your life? OK.

537
00:24:35,260 --> 00:24:39,740
Well, I arrived from India to attend
Trinity College Cambridge.

538
00:24:41,100 --> 00:24:42,700
I say.

539
00:24:42,700 --> 00:24:44,260
We're just making a film over here.

540
00:24:44,260 --> 00:24:46,620
So if you could stop doing that,
cos it's a bit distracting.

541
00:24:46,620 --> 00:24:47,940
Terribly sorry. Funny thing,

542
00:24:47,940 --> 00:24:51,740
I could have sworn that Indian
chap said he went to Cambridge.

543
00:24:51,740 --> 00:24:52,940
THEY LAUGH

544
00:24:52,940 --> 00:24:54,540
Do carry on.

545
00:24:54,540 --> 00:24:56,460
I'm sorry, this tends to happen
quite a lot.

546
00:24:56,460 --> 00:24:57,620
No, no, no. I'm sorry.

547
00:24:57,620 --> 00:25:00,980
Some people are still living in the
18th century. Let's press on.

548
00:25:00,980 --> 00:25:04,460
Well, I joined the Cambridge
University cricket team...

549
00:25:04,460 --> 00:25:06,340
I say.

550
00:25:06,340 --> 00:25:10,740
It sounded like the chap said he
played cricket for Cambridge.

551
00:25:10,740 --> 00:25:12,300
SHE LAUGHS

552
00:25:12,300 --> 00:25:14,060
Honestly, I get this all the time.

553
00:25:14,060 --> 00:25:17,940
OK. The rest of the team
ignored me on the pitch,

554
00:25:17,940 --> 00:25:22,180
because basically they
were massive racists!

555
00:25:22,180 --> 00:25:25,820
But that didn't stop me from
becoming the first Indian

556
00:25:25,820 --> 00:25:28,140
to win a Cambridge cricket blue.

557
00:25:29,140 --> 00:25:30,700
I say!

558
00:25:30,700 --> 00:25:32,100
Now, look here.

559
00:25:32,100 --> 00:25:35,620
That Indian chap couldn't possibly
have won a Cambridge blue.

560
00:25:35,620 --> 00:25:38,620
Only the best win a blue. Quite.

561
00:25:38,620 --> 00:25:41,340
There's only one non-British
chap that's ever done it

562
00:25:41,340 --> 00:25:43,460
and that's Prince Ranjitsinhji.

563
00:25:43,460 --> 00:25:45,620
Ugh, this is Prince Ranjitsinhji!

564
00:25:45,620 --> 00:25:46,660
Duck!

565
00:25:51,260 --> 00:25:52,700
Ahh!

566
00:25:52,700 --> 00:25:54,380
I say.

567
00:25:54,380 --> 00:25:58,500
You invented the leg glance stroke,
you're a cricketing genius.

568
00:25:58,500 --> 00:26:00,460
How did you get so good?

569
00:26:00,460 --> 00:26:03,020
It is the gift of my race.

570
00:26:03,020 --> 00:26:06,420
The message from my eye to my brain

571
00:26:06,420 --> 00:26:08,020
has no equal among English men.

572
00:26:09,020 --> 00:26:10,380
I think we're just better.

573
00:26:11,540 --> 00:26:13,300
I say! Oh, come on,

574
00:26:13,300 --> 00:26:15,900
how is that even possible?

575
00:26:15,900 --> 00:26:17,180
So there you are.

576
00:26:17,180 --> 00:26:20,060
Next time you're using your phone
to film your little sister

577
00:26:20,060 --> 00:26:21,260
with spaghetti up her nose,

578
00:26:21,260 --> 00:26:23,740
or you're watching a goat
sneeze on the internet,

579
00:26:23,740 --> 00:26:27,140
just remember it all started
with the Victorians.

580
00:26:27,140 --> 00:26:28,940
And...action!

581
00:26:31,980 --> 00:26:35,220
♪ It started with smoke and mirrors
and what the butler saw

582
00:26:38,300 --> 00:26:41,420
♪ We had photos
but we wanted something more

583
00:26:44,220 --> 00:26:47,580
♪ So Dickson and Edison made
something we can't ignore

584
00:26:47,580 --> 00:26:49,060
♪ Pictures that moved

585
00:26:49,060 --> 00:26:53,860
♪ They blew our brains as we sat
there facing an oncoming train

586
00:26:53,860 --> 00:26:56,780
♪ At first the films were short
and shot outside

587
00:26:56,780 --> 00:26:59,780
♪ People pulling faces,
drinking milk and travel guides

588
00:26:59,780 --> 00:27:02,700
♪ As the movies grew to
many minutes long

589
00:27:02,700 --> 00:27:06,140
♪ They needed something new
to show the throng

590
00:27:06,140 --> 00:27:08,860
♪ So they crashed a rocket in the
moon and filmed King John

591
00:27:08,860 --> 00:27:11,540
♪ Drew some pictures, made them move
and called it animation

592
00:27:11,540 --> 00:27:15,220
♪ Movie stars got famous
Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton

593
00:27:15,220 --> 00:27:19,300
♪ They're just the start
of our favourite thing

594
00:27:19,300 --> 00:27:22,460
♪ We don't even mind the queue

595
00:27:22,460 --> 00:27:25,380
♪ On screen our dreams come true

596
00:27:25,380 --> 00:27:28,380
-♪ In 3
-D and sometimes 2

597
00:27:28,380 --> 00:27:31,580
♪ The Moving Picture Show!

598
00:27:31,580 --> 00:27:34,140
♪ You can use your phone to view

599
00:27:34,140 --> 00:27:37,420
♪ And use it to make films too

600
00:27:37,420 --> 00:27:40,780
♪ Be a Minion or maybe Gru

601
00:27:40,780 --> 00:27:43,580
♪ The Moving Picture Show!

602
00:27:45,140 --> 00:27:48,540
♪ They blew our minds when the first
actor spoke

603
00:27:51,340 --> 00:27:54,540
♪ Adding colour changed
everything at a stroke

604
00:27:57,060 --> 00:28:00,380
♪ Crash zoom, wide screen
and the records broke

605
00:28:00,380 --> 00:28:03,340
♪ Special effects
Science fiction

606
00:28:03,340 --> 00:28:06,500
♪ Now at home on your television

607
00:28:06,500 --> 00:28:09,740
♪ Star Wars
and Ghostbusters were gigantic

608
00:28:09,740 --> 00:28:12,700
♪ But nothing ever
really topped Titanic

609
00:28:12,700 --> 00:28:15,260
♪ Yeah, OK, Avatar,
don't be pedantic

610
00:28:15,260 --> 00:28:18,220
♪ But now things are really
getting frantic

611
00:28:18,220 --> 00:28:21,340
♪ High definition,
downloads and motion capture

612
00:28:21,340 --> 00:28:24,140
♪ Crowdfunding
Now YouTube is coming at you

613
00:28:24,140 --> 00:28:27,220
♪ Star Wars is back
and we are in rapture

614
00:28:27,220 --> 00:28:31,660
♪ Where will it end?
We hope it never ends!

615
00:28:31,660 --> 00:28:34,540
♪ We don't even mind the queue

616
00:28:34,540 --> 00:28:37,380
♪ On screen our dreams come true

617
00:28:37,380 --> 00:28:40,820
-♪ In 3
-D and sometimes 2

618
00:28:40,820 --> 00:28:43,660
♪ The Moving Picture Show!

619
00:28:43,660 --> 00:28:46,140
♪ You can use your phone to view

620
00:28:46,140 --> 00:28:49,180
♪ And use it to make films too

621
00:28:49,180 --> 00:28:52,820
♪ Be a Minion or maybe Gru

622
00:28:52,820 --> 00:28:55,700
♪ The Moving Picture Show! ♪

623
00:29:01,420 --> 00:29:02,860
What would you have me do?

624
00:29:02,860 --> 00:29:05,660
Dingle dangle from a railway
bridge off a piece of rope.

625
00:29:05,660 --> 00:29:07,660
THEY LAUGH

626
00:29:07,660 --> 00:29:09,100
From a length of rope.

627
00:29:12,020 --> 00:29:14,700
♪ The past is no longer a mystery

628
00:29:14,700 --> 00:29:19,220
♪ Hope you enjoyed
Horrible Histories. ♪

629
00:29:19,270 --> 00:29:23,820
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